“I close my eyes
And in the shades I seek the path”.

After Lapse – Beyond the end

Hello my dear travel companion/ reader,

how have you been? I know i haven’t written anything on here for quite some while. Let’s just say i was busy with other projects and actually i embarked on quite some adventures. Really amazing adventures. 

Walking here and there through the paths through those woods around me. 

But to be completely honest even though i enjoyed those adventures i am completely stuck now. The road i took let me into a cul-de-sac and there are loads of brushes and scrubs ahead of me that i need to work through now, to find my path again.

And as i mainly have been honest with this blog, i will stay honest now as well. Do you remember the post about friends and asking them to lend you a garden sheer? Well, my big mistake (and one of my biggest regrets currently) is that i not only expected them to hand me their garden sheer. I somehow expected them to cut through the branches for me as well. Which is something actually no one can do for me and i have to do it all on my own. Unfortunately it took me too long to realize this and even though my lets call him/her „gardening friend“ tried to tell me this i did not listen. Well i could not listen, but hey, it is what it is and i am now taking responsible for my own actions. It is my boscage, my cule-de-sac and i intend to work through this. It will take loads of time and work. And frankly speaking i have no idea where to start at the moment as all i can see has a big tangle of branches and trees, scrubs, plants, thorns and so on. But maybe it is one of those moments where you don’t need to see the big picture. Just focus on the first thing in your way and cut this. 

And speaking about ways…. I think i know which one i wanna take once i am through the boscage. I just have to figure out how to get there. But i intend to go there. And one thing that always helped me on every way, every road, every crossroad i have taken is writing. So this is what i am focusing on at the moment. 

So excuse me if this post seems to be a bit weird to you – but this blog stated from the very beginning that these are beautiful thoughts in a messed up mind or messed up thoughts in a beautiful mind. And well… this one might put the emphasis on the „messed“ part.

And i like to add some part about gardening tools, about gardening sheers precisely. When you are stuck please please ask someone for help. But if someone comes along and has the fitting tool for your kind of shrubbery in the way, well yes, be happy about that. But maybe once in while ask yourself why this person has an utensil that fits so well. 

See, one of my coping mechanisms when i am stuck on my way is walking around and so to say cut others free of their way. And i know some of you do the same. As it is always easier to deal with other peoples roadblocks than your own. But if you don’t pay attention to the vegetation in front of you it might grow too thick. My fellow travel companion tried to tell me this. Fortunately this person is now taking care of its own big thorny bushy hedge on the way. And yes it has hurt me and i felt kind of abandonded. But i understand the reasons and accept them and appreciate them. And might i add that this person is way smarter than me when it comes to well… walking around life. (Even though you might not think you are, but hey, i always overestimated you, didn’t i?)

Lets see if my pass will cross again with this person. I hope so, but as long i am stuck in this jungle i am currently in, its no use thinking about this any way.

So with this post i am cutting the first branch in front of me and then i take the next one and afterwards the next one. 

I hope you all have a less bumpy road in front of you currently. And if not… Take step by step. And if you cannot see the whole way ahead of you as something is blocking you right now… just cut a branch, or plug a leave. But don’t stay stuck.

So long

A.