“I have become someone,
The light in the dark of my heart,
I have now healed my life,
I have become the one
To catch away fears from my soul,
I’m going to free you now.”

Alchymera – Virtual Symmetry

Welcome back my dear reader! I am more happy that you take the time to check into my little blog about my thoughts again.

Reading the art of going separate ways you might think: didn’t she already wrote a post about this topic? Well, the answer is: yes and no.

One of my first posts has been called „the art of saying goodbye“.  But as that one was about those persons you keep in your life although you know that you would be better off traveling without them, this post is dedicated to those moments you and a travel companion reach the end of your shared journey and you have to let go. 

Either because you became someone the other doesn’t want to keep in their life, or you find out that you are just going into different directions. And maybe it is the end of the entire road for your companion as they leave this life and die. No matter what the reason for going separate ways is, they hurt. Some hurt more, some hurt less. But they do. And this post is not one written light heartedly by me and i can tell you that while i am writing this i might shed a tear or more.

But to quote from „The Art of saying goodbye“:

“Someone I met recently (a very brilliant person) told me, that parting ways with someone is always driven by incompatibility, which can happen at any time.“

Well we all have to part from each other one day (at least in this life/in this form), and some partings are more clear than others. I had to let go of one of the most dearest and most important travel companions i ever had in my life last year. I knew that his time on this earth / in this form would come to an end and i am happy that i spend as much time as possible with him until we had to say goodbye. And even though i could see the end it doesn’t lessen the pain or how much i miss him. 

Other partings did happen without me seeing them, as they can „happen any time“. But the truth is we all traveling our own direction. Sometimes you might travel alongside someone and while you just see the path before you, your companion might already see the crossroad from which his or her own way diverts from. yours. And while you are focusing on the route ahead your companion has already reached the junction and decides to make a turn. You are believing you are still walking on the same track but instead it is already separated and the other is not there anymore, although maybe still parallel and sometimes still intertwining. Very much like in Lewis Carol’s Alices Adventures in which the Cheshire cat says: „You may have noticed, I’m not all there myself.“ 

Once you reached a crossroad you have different options:

You can try to  make the person stay on your path. Throw yourself on the floor and grab them by the ankles so that they cannot walk on without you. 

You can just stand there, watch them walk away. 

You can even shout out to them to return to you. 

But if their path is incompatible to yours how and why are they supposed to? As you should not walk someones else’s path, you should not force anyone to stay on yours just for your own sake.

Most of the time it does not even mean it does not hurt them as well when someone is setting off in a different direction and leaves you behind.

Obviously the best option is to move on. Who knows, maybe you both are still walking in the same woods. Maybe you will walk on parallel trails again, so you can talk to each other through the trees, maybe take a break on a clearing to check on each other. Maybe you can only see the other person on the horizon and wave. 

Or maybe you will reconnect and walk into the same direction again one day. As is known, hope dies last doesn’t it ? 

Shall i tell you something? I really suck when it comes to follow my own advises above. When my journey recently came to be a different one from someone else’s guess what i did. Yes – i threw a tantrum. Basically i did everything but excepting the obvious: we are now going separate ways. Which does not mean that from time to time i will do the occasional shoutout, something like „hey, you okay out there somewhere in the woods?“ 

Because for whatever reason you part, in my opinion you should always try to leave on good terms, as you never know if you meet again. 

There is a  a poem by german playwright, theatre director and poet Berthold Brecht which describes parting and going separate ways quite beautiful:

The tattered cord
can again become knotted.
It holds
but it is torn.

Perhaps we’ll face 
each other again
but there,
where you left me,
you’ll not meet me
again.

The tattered cord – Berthold Brecht

So when you part try not to tatter the cord too much. No matter if you are the one taking a turn or the one staying. Even if it is hard, try to move on without causing too much damage. 

Maybe the words a wise soul, talented musician and tremendous lyricist once told me will help you should you come upon a crossroad: “Don´t be afraid to say goodbye, cherish every memory, live each moment and they will live forever.“  

Thanks for reading and until next time

A.

I would like to dedicate this post to some special people. First of all to one of the best and closest friends i ever had, i miss you every day (we all do), but you live in our memories and i will try my best to cherish your legacy. (Sognando e vegliando, Su te, mio tesor, Proteggendo il tuo cammin)

To my own personal cheshire cat – i did not see you haven’t been there all yourself. I am thankful for each moment. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that at least you will wave from your part of the woods from time to time or that we will reach a clearing to catch up.

And to Liz – who sent me the poem by Brecht, who is traveling along my side for quite some decades, and even though we travel on different paths most of the time we always know how to reach the other and how to make sure we intertwine often enough.