„So I fall
In other worlds on deeper plains
I’m coming through again
Forlorn in the never
When I rise (To awake)
And regain consciousness
Then all is reduced to nothingness.”

Serenity – Reduced to Nothingness

Hello my dear reader,

i know, i know, i haven´t written for some time. Yet again. When all the blog experts advise you to publish something new on a regular basis. But well, this blog was never intended to be something very professional. I started it, not knowing how it will turn out. A few weeks later i decided to dedicate this blog to the beautiful thoughts in my messed up mind, or are they messed up thoughts in a beautiful mind? Maybe they are both.

There are basically two reasons i haven´t published anything lately. The first one is, that i am just very very busy with another – non writing relating – project.

The second one is that i am currently undergoing something called writers block. According to Wikipedia this is a non-medical condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author is either unable to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown.

Well, i haven´t lost my creativity (at least i hope so), as i have like a lot of ideas what to write about. But as soon as i open my laptop to write on something specific its like my brain freezes and when i touch the keys i do not seem to find the right words.

Writers tried all sorts to overcome writers block. History tells that some of them believed of higher power inspiring them and once they could not go on writing they pryaed to the gods and the muses. Others tried to find creativity with help of the green fairy, which is quite a poetic name for Absinth. Which by the way i never tried. Always intented to, but never really did. Decades ago there even was an absinth bar in the city i lived in. I am not living there anymore but as i am not living that far, maybe i shall try now.

Another solution to overcome writers block is to write – simply write. Just word after word, not really caring about the outcome. Which is something i intend to do with this post. But this method is already reveiling to me why i have currently problems going on writing.

The majority of writer’s block researchers agree that most causes of writer’s block have an affective/physiological, motivational, and cognitive component. Quoting wikipedia here again.

There is a former friend of mine, a very creative person, who – not unlike me – stopped with his art. His reason to do so was that he put all his emotions into his art and when it all became to much he simply stopped creating art at all.

Same person once gave me the advise to simply write whenever i feel down. I remember the very specific moment, i was feeling really really down and reached out for his help. He just told me to write. And when i replied that i had neither notepad nor pen with me he just told me to open notes on my smart phone. Clever guy, isn´t he ?

So when our friendship stopped – his calling, not mine – some of his last words to me have been that i should never stop writing. And i know it is quite silly but i feel like something inside of me is stopping me from doing exactly this. Subconsconsciously avoiding to fulfill his last wish to me. Which is maybe the worst kind of reason not to write anymore. But sometimes emotions and your subconsciousness are everything but logic. And needless to say i miss that guy, as he always was very inspiring to me.

But i promise you i will return to full capacity soon again, already started on other posts and hope i can finish them soon.

In the meantime i thank you for reading this random thoughts of mine (beautiful or messed up – define for yourself). And as i do not have any Absinth at home, i pray to Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania – all of the nine muses – to help me write again.

Until the next time

A.